創傷的智慧

创伤是塑造我们生活的无形力量。它塑造了我们的生活方式，我们爱的方式以及我们理解世界的方式。它是我们最深伤口的根源。马特博士给了我们一个新的愿景：一个创伤知情的社会，在这个社会中，父母、教师、医生、政策制定者和法律人员不关心纠正行为、做出诊断、压制症状

一部以創傷為主題的紀錄片。

受創的個體通過各種形式的「癮」來暫時撫慰內心的需要，酒癮、毒癮、藥癮、性癮、遊戲成癮、工作成癮......If we understand that addiction is not the primary problem, but really a response to trauma, then it becomes obvious that in order to heal addiction, you have to heal the trauma. But it means that you see the wound that's driving that person.

這是影片中一位毒癮者的詩：

I misbehave when I crave to push the venom in my veins.

I lose all control of my inner soul and my demons hold the reins.

I deceive whoever believers; I twist their open trust.

With nefarious precision and tunnel vision,

I pursue the venom with lust.

With the desire so strong,

I forgot all bonds hurting the ones I adore,

And even though they love me, they move on from me to let me fight my war.

Uncontrollable, I’m inconsolable,

Slowly I’m dying inside.

A glutton of such, I’ve used too much,

Now there’s no life in my eyes.

Nobody to talk to. That's the trauma.

Children don’t get traumatized because they get hurt.

Children get traumatized because they’re alone with the hurt.

30歲的成年人或許在受到暴力時能夠瞭解自己並沒有做錯什麼，也不該被如此對待，但3歲的孩子無法區分和思考發生在自己身上的事情：

The man who is supposed to love me is beating me. So, when you’re being hit like that, there’s only two possibilities.

My father is bad person who hates me or I’m a bad person.

So, the only protection is to believe that: oh, I’m not lovable.

創傷不只是外在事件，而是對每個內在心理世界的影響與改變：Trauma is not the bad things that happen to you, but what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.

創傷的根本是在說：你與自己失去連結了。Because it is too painful to be ourselves. 當你與自己失去連結時，你也就不再相信自己的感受與直覺。You don't follow them.

When the pain is there and there’s no one to share it with, and the child’s got very limited resources, to deal with that, and what they do is they disconnect from themselves. When you disconnect from yourself, you no longer have yourself. You’ve lost yourself.

影片主角之一的Gabor Mate, Hungarian-born Canadian Physician ，生命中的第一年在納粹時期度過，祖父母在集中裡過世，阿姨在逃亡中遺失，Gabor隨後與父母移民加拿大。

他所感知到的自己是一個不被世界期待(not being wanted)的孩子。

如何面對自己不被期待呢：You make yourself needed.

影片中最打動我的是Gabor的太太Rae說兩人在相識的初期，她就在Gabor身上看到他bright and dark的兩面向， 但並不知道那是與創傷有關的東西：I saw brilliance and I saw real. To me it was dark.她相信婚姻的目的實際上是要回到源自於家庭的最初的創傷，療癒它。

Underneath that traumatized persona, there’s the healthy individual who has never found expression in this life because they were never given the venue for expression, never given the relationships in which their authentic humanity could be expressed.

而這個尚未好好活過的真實自我隱藏在每一個受創的個體之下，我們每一個人都有。

A true, genuine, authentic self, it can never be destoryed.